So the man I thought my world would turn right-side up for just showed his true colors. Just as I thought he would... I knew it was going to happen tonight.. I think I was just hoping for better results :( There is no guard, no wall nor front.. I don't love randomly, he had my heart, I had given it to him a long time ago and never got it back fully... Our truths and stories gave us strength and kept us friends with questions on each end asking if it could be anything more and today was dooms day!!! To quote a totally different movie, the rest of my life's beginning will start with the following misery:
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, they will eventually begin to fade."
So I'm off, when this lay-off happens at work.. I'm going far, far away.. Arizona actually, I need to try something totally new. My motivation is pointless here and all I turn to is alcohol with my party friends and if you read my last blog I need to quit with it. Bad decisions come from poor drinking habits. :( Forgive this bummed and short blog, I'm just not feeling up to the discussion as I thought I would have been.
Awwww.. No friend! Im so very sorry:( I dont know exactly whats goin gon but if you need to talk you can always call me. Sometimes when sadness happens in our lives we turn to alcohol. Thats a thing im very familiar with. If you feel like moving is the ONLY way to get better and have a more positive life then I say do it but If you can fix things here STAY!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteTHe move isn't all over this bozo... I need a change all around.. but I love California so much.. I'm now just calling it an extended vacation :) I'll be back and 500% better :)
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